Alpha Male - Incomplete

How many times do they have to tell me Kurt is an 'alpha male' therefore I have to submit to him completely. Because he's a real alpha male my male presence would be an affront to him. However since I'm an 'inferior' male, and as long as I pretend no maleness in his presence, and present myself willingly as a convincing and unquestionably feminine member of the household, he will not only tolerate my presence, but offer me the 'same protection and resources he affords the other female members in his charge'.

It seemed such a crazy idea at first, when Stepmother first got serious about Kurt. I readily dismissed the idea and felt sure Stepmother would dump the guy like she had all those others she'd dated since father passed away. But she seemed to be getting more and more serious about him.

Then along came Kurt's sister Julia. She seemed more obsessed with Kurt than Stepmother even. She insisted that her brother 'simply couldn't live in a household with more then one male', and she loved to talk about 'alpha male' behaviour in nature, and how other males assumed the female role around such dominant males.

One night Stepmother admitted to me that she was going to marry Kurt, and 'if I couldn't live under his roof under his rules, then I'd have to be put into the care of her brother Greg, much as she despised him.' She said she was really sorry but there was no alternative if I was going to 'take silly pride' over her happiness.

She arranged a trial weekend with Greg. What a nasty dirty lazy and foul mouthed man he was. I was treated like little more than a slave. His home and his life was mean and shabby. It really was quite a shock, and I was relieved to get back to my unloving but civilised Stepmother.

Julia and Stepmother had certainly got close, and she was around most weekends. Julia, although not the most beautiful of women dressed immaculately and very femininely. She always wore a dress or skirt, and was always made up. I never saw her in slacks or jeans, or even trainers. Stepmother had now begun to copy her, and being much prettier I had to admit she always looked stunning.

The Sunday evening I got back from Greg's they were very giggly and had been drinking white Italian wine. Kurt was away on business, as he often was, so they were having a 'girly' night in together. Despite my presence they began to discuss their nylons and suspenders. I felt myself blush with embarrassment, the more so when Stepmother hitched her skirt up to reveal stocking tops and suspender tabs. 'They are such a fuss' she giggled 'but they make me feel so special and feminine....and Kurt just adores them' she added with a dirty laugh.

'Jennman girls all wear nylons' declared Julia, modestly hitching up the hem of her dress and lacy underskirt to reveal a small glimpse of dark stocking top.

'..And Jennman girl's will always stick by nylons' she added with a smile.

'It's nylons always for me from now on sister' toasted Stepmother to the last of their wine.

Stepmother obviously was on too much of a high to discuss Greg that evening, so I left them to talk their girly stuff as though I wasn't there.

Next morning I did discuss Greg, and she was surprisingly sympathetic, if not very helpful. 'He's such a horrid pig, not at all like Kurt. I wish there was somewhere else to send you but there's simply not. I wish more so of course you'd stay with us and forget your ridiculous pride. We'd have a lovely time really. Kurt would take care of all of us darling.'

It did look pretty bleak, and I was too young to live independently and was legally in her care so could not choose where or who to live with.

She must have talked with Julia, because Julia had one of her rare conversations alone with me only a few days later. She reminded me Kurt was away an awful lot and he wouldn't insist on 'his rules' when he wasn't there, as long as to all extents and purposes I obediently and unquestioningly adhered to his rules when he was around then things like school would be the same as before, and my friends didn't need to know anything about our little 'arrangement'. She'd said this all before, but she did seem to genuinely want me to avoid being in the care of Greg who she felt was 'a totally unsuitable guardian for a sweet natured obedient child' such as myself. She meant well I suppose and I warmed to her a little.

A day later Stepmother announced the date of her wedding. She seemed so happy to be married again before the year was out. She said she'd had a word with Greg about his behaviour that very weekend.

I think that Stepmpother's 'word' had an effect on Greg for maybe the first hour. After which he was soon more selfish, demanding, threatening, and disgusting than the last time. He also let drop I'd be transferred to the school more local to him, that appalling Comprehensive with the terrible reputation for violence, bullying, and awful teachers. I remember walking past this dreadful school in the rain dragging out an errand for Greg as long as possible to put off returning to his cold miserable house and his abusive behaviour. The school sign was covered in graffiti, the school buildings looked shabby, and I barely felt safe in the neighbourhood. It was a moment that really brought home to me the horrendous reality of what would happen if I had to leave my home when Stepmum got married.

I returned home rather subdued, but in her excitement with the wedding plans Stepmother didn't really seem to notice.

On the next eventful 'trial weekend' Greg actually struck me in a drunken rage, and I spent a terrifying evening cowering from him in my ratty bedroom. I think it was then that despite myself I began to seriously consider Kurt's 'rules'.

I tried not to focus on the 'nuts and bolts' of pretending to be a female of the household. I blushed in shame at the thought of it. I did concentrate on the facts that were more appealing.

Firstly, Kurt was away an awful lot, maybe more than half the time by my calculations. Both Julia and Stepmum assured me I wouldn't have to adhere to his 'rules' if he wasn't around.

Secondly, nobody else would need to know of our arrangement. I'd had only one friend round to our home in the last few months, it wasn't like I had a lot of friends anyway. It would be easy enough to arrange to meet friends away from home.

Thirdly, it's not too long, less than two years, before I'd be sixteen and could live where I wanted. Maybe I could get my own council flat and I'd really be free.

Fourthly, I'd hopefully never see Uncle Greg again. Ever. Running away seemed preferable to living with him. But I knew running away would never work anyway, I had no way of getting money and eventually I'd have to come back or get caught.

So it was I dared to explore the idea of staying at home with Stepmum. She seemed delighted, and was soon discussing the new possibility with Kurt and Julia.

It was painful to go through the details and agree to all the rules with both Stepmum and Julia. Other than communicating his agreement through his wife-to-be I fortunately never had to face Kurt and discuss the matter.

So it was agreed, we'd have a three month 'no obligation' trial period. After that because of the 'substantial costs and effort' involved I'd be asked to sign a renewable six month contract so everyone could budget and plan without me suddenly changing my mind and wasting everyone's time and money. The contract seemed to be mostly Julia's idea, I wasn't exactly in a position to refuse, and anyway I could back out at any time during the three month trial, and by the time that was over I should know if I could survive these 'rules' or not.

The painful details were that they somehow managed to arrange for me to have a month off school during which Julia would 'prepare me'. I was warned that this would be intensive but I simply couldn't embarrass Kurt by not being a convincing female member of the family in his presence. Julia had been in the beauty business and knew all about women's fashions and such so felt she was well qualified. To be honest she was a preferable choice to Stepmum, the whole business would have been substantially more humiliating in front of her.

I was to be, immediately following my intensive training, and along with Julia also, a bridesmaid at their wedding. This was a hell of a shock but the blow was a little softened by the detail. It would be a very private affair so no risk of anyone I knew seeing me. The day after the wedding Kurt and Stepmum were off on their honeymoon for two weeks so no need to adhere to the rules then. When he came back he would have so much business to catch up on he'd be away an awful lot anyway.

No boy wants to be a bridesmaid at his mother's wedding but it could have been worse. The idea, Julia explained, was that from his wedding day onwards Kurt would only ever see me as a female member of the household, or not see me at all.

The four weeks with Julia at her flat the other end of town were hard. A few times I thought of quitting. The surprising thing was that although very firm and exacting, Auntie Julia as I now called her, was surprisingly gentle and encouraging, and even sympathetic. Also as well as weekly injections to calm me and 'soften my lines,' whatever that meant, she also supplied me with what she called 'happy pills' when I was really down or stressed with the whole business. These did help a lot, for a few hours they made me feel sort of distanced from the whole business. It was rather like I was just an onlooker which lessened my feelings of shame or humiliation.

She promised me that she'd make no changes to me that wouldn't be acceptable or concealable in what she referred to as my 'tomboy mode'.

By the time she came up with this term I was too traumatised to object and insist it was boy mode and certainly not 'tomboy' mode! By the time I did feel a bit of my old dignity return to me it seemed too late to object, considering all the other many indignities I'd consented to. So it was that the term 'tomboy' stuck to describe my normal self.

I had some major qualms too about what would be really be acceptable or concealable. My slightly lightened pageboy hair style did worry me a lot. She did demonstrate a kind of comb-over that gave it maybe a foppish boyish look but I wasn't so convinced. My eyebrows were supposedly very lightly plucked and fashioned but they still screamed girl to me. My pierced ears worried me most of all after my hair. I knew I wouldn't be wearing those girlish gold or pearl balls in what she called my tomboy mode, and the plain studs she showed me would look quite trendy on a guy, but I'd have an earring in both ears which I feared might cause attention I didn't want. These were maybe my top three concerns but there was also the shaped nails, just that bit too long and perfect. There was my smooth and hairless body too. Not that I'd had much hair before, just a little fuzz, but now as I was as smooth as a baby. I worried a little too about supposedly how good I was progressing in my deportment and speech lessons that her friend Tanya spent hours a day drilling into me. What if I was to forget and act like that in front of some of the boys at school. I flushed scarlet at the mere thought of it.

All in all I did have a thousand anxieties and concerns. But miraculously with the encouragement of Auntie Julia, the pills, and the dread of living with Uncle Greg, I somehow got through it.

Well I'd rather forget that I attended my 'mother's' wedding in the same bridesmaid dress as my aunt, in identical lingerie, hosiery, and heels come to that. But somehow I survived, and Mother, as I was now to call her was the centre of attention and I didn't know any of the few guests that came. I was the bride's daughter as far as they were concerned and to my shame I preferred that they believed that, opposed to a boy in dresses all because the new stepfather was an 'alpha male'.

That evening, because 'father' was at home I spent that night en femme in a particularly silly floaty diaphanous nightie with ridiculously frilly matching panties which auntie had picked out specially. It was as if I was the one on honeymoon!

Next morning auntie also picked out the shocking pink lingerie I dutifully wore under a rather juvenile floral sundress to wave the happy couple off.

We walked back indoors, not sure if I was flushed with seeing how happy my 'mother' was, or flushed feeling so weak and silly at being so completely enveloped in femininity.

A little to my surprise Auntie Julia was good to her word, I'd had some doubt I admit. “You can change into your tomboy things if you like now, or keep your pretty dress on if you prefer sweetie”.

Well this was a no brainer. I was out of those clothes and had scrubbed away as best as I could all the gunge and make-up my 'femme' self required. We'd discussed the procedure all before and I dutifully locked Felicity's room, handed auntie the key and moved into Robin's room.

After so many weeks my boy clothes felt strange, and after ages playing with my hair, and practising sitting and walking a little more masculinely, I looked in the mirror and I looked at least passably boyish. I hated my foppish hair, the twin ear studs, the arched brows, and too perfect nails, but at least they'd been true to their word and I was in boy mode again. It took me a week to feel half normal again. Auntie somehow managed to drag out for days the washing and drying and ironing of Felicity's clothes, so sore reminders of my weeks en femme were constantly hanging around the house.

Then school started which was pretty awful. The lie about my 'gender dysphoria' worked in so much as I had little trouble from teachers about my appearance, if a few disapproving, or pitying looks. I'm not sure which of the two was worse. My few friends soon shunned me and before long breaks and lunch were taken with all the freaks and rejects, some of whom also shunned me. There was no PE for me now and I sat with the fat and asthmatic kids reading in the library. I did cry a few times in self pity, but I wasn't going to give auntie the satisfaction of asking for any 'happy pills'. By the end of the second week I was resigned to my ostracised state at school. I'd always been a bit of a loner, and the fact that no friends would be coming to my home anytime soon meant I felt less in constant fear of Felicity being discovered.

Early Saturday morning I was subject to the full treatment of auntie and her friend Tanya. My skin was painstakingly shaved, plucked, waxed, perfumed, and moisturised to a smooth shine. My hair was fastidiously straightened and trimmed and set into an uncompromisingly feminine bob. My finger and toe nails were filed and painted. Talced and perfumed I was trussed into the shocking pink lingerie set once more. Under close scrutiny I rolled fresh nude stockings up my pampered legs and fastened them to the two women's eventual satisfaction. The juvenile floral sundress followed, and my stockinged feet were thrust into new cream kitten heels.

The rest of the morning was spent being mercilessly criticised for my 'tomboyish inelegance'.

'Really Julia' declared the ever critical Tanya at one point, ' you really can't let Felicity be a tomboy for weeks on end, all my work is for nothing!'

Aunt Julia assured her friend that now her brother and his new bride were coming home Felicity was unlikely to be allowed to behave like a tomboy for such a long stretch at a time.

It wasn't what a boy wanted to hear, and it was a realisation that 'normality' would now often include these unsettling interludes into femininity if I was to remain under that roof.

So Saturday afternoon came and I greeted 'Mum and Dad' in exactly the same feminised state that I'd waved them off in three weeks earlier. Mother and I brushed cheeks in a dry kiss that prevented the transfer of lipsticks, which to my shame I was now practised in. She looked me over happily as if my being dressed so very femininely was perfectly normal. I disguised my self disgust as I brushed my blushing cheeks against Kurt's bristly face.

'Mum' was full of the wonderful time she'd had.'Dad' was quiet as usual, and often touched his new wife reassuringly. He announced at one point just how happy he was to be 'with all his girls once again.' I felt a little hurt at just how naturally and unquestioningly this statement was made, and how perfectly normally it appeared to be received.

What passed then was my first full weekend spent at home en femme. Mother and auntie didn't even deign to mention or even hint that Felicity was a total fabrication.

Dad was mostly busy making phone calls or in his office. He did once sit by me on the sofa when we were all watching TV, and his gnarled hand did rest a few moments on my stockinged leg which made me feel very uncomfortable and I lost total concentration on the soap we were watching. It was actually a relief to be asked by Mum to 'be a good girl Felicity and make us all a nice pot of tea maybe.'

Saturday and Sunday night were spent in ridiculous frou frou in Felicity's depressingly feminine bedroom. We didn't leave the house at all which was something of a relief at least.

Kurt caught a plane in the early hours of Monday morning. Myself I was up early getting out of my silly nightwear, and scrubbing and brushing to make myself passably masculine for school.

The sudden change from being Felicity in her girlish boudoir to being Robin at school was quite a shock. All day I felt sillier, weaker and more pathetic than ever before. Kurt was away at least until the weekend and as the week progressed a little more self-esteem did return.

Friday night Tanya came over and I was mercilessly transformed into Felicity. Since it was warm weather I was dressed in a silly peasant blouse and a flowing gypsy skirt with 'light' summer lingerie beneath.

It turned out that Kurt couldn't get home that night and I was a little cross to have to put on my nightie and sleep panties for bed just in case he did make it home in the small hours. But still no Kurt in the morning, despite which I was thrust into a denim skirt and sweetheart blouse and another summer lingerie set. At lunch time he rang and told Mum he definitely couldn't make it home that weekend.

I still doubted Mother's word at this point , but to my surprise I was almost immediately offered the option to 'wear my tomboy things if I wanted'. The offer was gratefully accepted of course and I was soon installed in Robin's room and playing a video game on my play station almost like a normal boy.

Kurt, or Daddy as mum prefers me call him at least once a day, wasn't home all the next week. Mum went to stay with him in London all that week and I was left with auntie Julia who pretty much left me alone.

They were due back the next Sunday, so I had to spend all that day 'en femme', but they never showed. I had to sleep in full frou frou in Felicity's room just in case they came back late, which was annoying and unsettling having to change out of a baby-doll nightie and frilly panties into my boy school things.

Wednesday they were due again. The evening was spent 'en femme' in a particularly annoying silk dress that kept sliding up revealing my cream slip. Still no show, and rather grumpily I dressed in frou frou for bed pretty sure this was pointless.

I'd just finished reading my book when I heard aunt Julia answer the door. They were back.

'Felicity darling they are back!' called auntie up the stairs, 'Come down and say hello, then off back to bed madam, school in the morning!'

I did wonder momentarily whether to put that awful silk dress back on but I knew what was expected of me. I caught a glimpse of myself in the large wardrobe mirrored doors, black frilly four tiered nightie, so short my frilly black rumba panties were impossible not to reveal. Surely no woman dressed for bed like this any more, except Mother and Auntie maybe. I looked through the small wardrobe for the matching peignoir for my baby-doll. I'd never worn it before, but Mother would sometimes dress for bed hours before bedtime and often she'd flaunt about in an almost identical peignoir. The peignoir didn't exactly cover much, it was all filmy and lacy and not much longer than the baby-doll. I slipped my feet into the fluffy black open toe slippers, my red painted toes now on display.

With a heavy heart and thoroughly ashamed of the absolute prissiness of my

attire I padded down the stairs.

'Aww, sorry to wake you sleepy princess' cooed Mother. We swapped kisses, and I welcomed her home in my most modest tones. However despite a little practice being dressed 'en femme' in front of Kurt these sissy clothes really filled me full of shame, and I could barely look him in the face.

'Aren't you going to kiss Daddy and welcome him home too darling?' asked Mother with an emphasis on the word Daddy which I regrettably understood

all too well.

I kissed his bristly face, he hugged me close his hand resting a few seconds on my pantied bottom. 'Welcome home Daddy' I squeaked out.

'Aww' said Mother and Auntie in unison, obviously satisfied I'd followed the 'Daddy' prompt. I felt my face flush scarlet.

'Well school tomorrow Missy, so back to bed with you. They'll both be home tonight and we'll have a lovely night in won't we' said Auntie.

'Ni Ni Felicity' they called as I padded up the stairs. 'Ni Ni Mummy, Daddy, Auntie' I called back dutifully. They got that 'Daddy' for free because it just didn't seem to matter any more. I'd degraded myself enough already in those few moments.

I virtually had to be smuggled out of the house in my boy things in the morning. Auntie wittered on about having to do something in the future to avoid such a fuss.

I was smuggled back into the house when I got home. I had to call Auntie on my phone to warn her and she smuggled me in via the garage and up to Felicity's room. I was dressed and made up in double quick time, and greeted my 'parents' in what looked to me more like a little girl's peach party dress and pink heels. Auntie said it was just 'vintage' and 'very trendy with girl's of your age', but the acres of tulle and petticoat under the skirt made it an awful pain to sit in.

The night passed not too badly. When I was Felicity I always seemed to be the maid too, making tea, washing up, preparing the table and so on. Actually it was better than sitting down in Kurt's presence all evening feeling like a total sissy.

I was 'smuggled' out to school again next morning, and Mother and Kurt went back to London. With relief I came home to Robin's room, my play station and little fuss from Auntie. Although as usual the house was awash with Felicity's drying under-things and nylons for days on end.

Somehow or other those three months had passed. I couldn't say being Felicity was less than very painful. But on the plus side Kurt was away so often I hadn't actually dressed that much. The 'false alarms' were a pain, sometimes dressed as Felicity for as much as three days for no reason. But being Felicity just in the company of Auntie or Mother was far less stressful than in his presence.

I had to decide whether to sign the six month contract. I'd seen my Uncle once in the last three months. Kurt couldn't stand him so he wasn't a regular visitor. At least my 'Dad' and had that a common dislike of that creep. He was just as horrible as I recalled him and I had little inclination to move in with him.

So that weekend Mum came home alone, and Auntie, her and I sat in Dad's study the 'contract' laid out ready to sign. I'd expected something hand written and pretty straight forward, but this was printed and pages long and written in a language I could barely understand.

To be fair I was allowed to read it, but it was full of 'henceforth', 'pursuant', 'financial outlay', 'subservient orientation' and bits of Latin or Greek or Chinese for all I knew. Mostly the references to Robin Jennman né Cotton or Felicity Melissa Jennman were the main indications it referred to me.

Mum could see I was struggling to understand it. 'Do you want me to summarise sweetie?' she asked.

'Yes please' I nodded.

'Well it's quite simple, we carry on pretty much as we have done this past three months. The only difference is you become more responsible for the cost and upkeep of Felicity. Daddy pays you an allowance, just as he does myself and Auntie, and you are responsible for how that is spent, within the guidelines of our arrangement...

She smiled encouragingly.

..And if you spend your allowance wisely like me there should be plenty left for little luxuries.'

'Like a new play station?' I asked jokingly.

'I don't see why not dear' she responded to my surprise with a smile too.

'You'll be a bit more involved in the upkeep of Felicity but Auntie tells me you can be left to your own devices most of the time already. Tanya will give you a few more lessons too, and that will be free.'

That didn't sound so good, but I was fixated on the allowance now and the new play station.

'How much is the allowance?' I dared to ask.

'Hmm let me see..ahhh alright..there's a few variables, depending on maybe a bit extra for doing a few chores around the house, and some flexibility over holidays and special events. But roughly one thousand five hundred pounds a month.'

I nearly fell out of my chair. That was an absolute fortune.

'Wow' I couldn't help exclaiming.

'Well Felicity is a Jennman girl now, we aren't cheap ' she giggled, Aunt Julia laughed too.

'But' she put on her serious face ' this is a contract...rather like my marriage to dear Kurt is a contract, and it will be treated seriously.'

'Yes, yes' I nodded solemnly.

So it was that I signed three times as Robin Jennman, and three times as Felicity Melissa Jennman. Mother signed too on Kurt's behalf, and Aunt Julia as witness. I had much less doubt now than when I'd first agreed to all of this. And a little thought in the back of my head told me I'd be pretty well off at the end of it. I was spending the money in my head before I'd even been paid it, and passed the evening looking at possible new bikes I'd always wanted.

Nothing much changed those first three weeks after signing the 'contract', excepting that with a surprise 'advance' on my allowance I was much wealthier, and with some pride ordered the mountain bike I'd only dreamed of. School still stunk, but I was used to being a loner now. I had only to dress three times as Felicity during those three weeks, and twice was a false alarm which only lasted twenty-hours, and once was a weekend where we all stayed at home. So all in all I didn't regret my decision to sign the contract.

At the end of the three weeks Auntie's friend Tanya had completed some work commitments and so was free to help and train me to become more 'autonomous in the maintenance of Felicity' as the contract said. This meant a very dull weekend dressed en femme whilst Tanya drilled me in doing my own make-up, choosing my own wardrobe, and caring for my clothes. Considering what could be put in the washer and what had to be hand washed now explained why Auntie Julia used to drag out washing my things over so many days in the past.

It was decided I should dedicate at least one morning or afternoon a week to washing, drying, ironing, and sorting my wardrobe. This 'of course' would have to be completed 'en femme'. I wasn't convinced about the 'of course' but what was the difference between washing and handling my own silly girl's clothes dressed as myself, or dressed as Felicity. It was almost just as embarrassing. Plus if I had to dress as Felicity in the week it was perfectly acceptable to Mum and Auntie for me to do some of my chores in the evening

as long as I didn't leave too much laundry floating about the house until I was out of 'tomboy mode' again.

I had seen the 'maintenance of Felicity' clause in the contract so I couldn't complain. If it transpired that I had to dress anyway because 'Dad' was around there was no reason I'd have to dress too often simply just to do chores. Also I was free to choose when I wanted to do my chores so if I had plans on a Saturday I was free to do chores on Sunday morning or afternoon as I wanted. As long as I completed a cycle of tasks once a week they were satisfied. Tanya encouraged me to expand my wardrobe so that it was possible to wash and dry my things one day, and iron them the next week without running short of clothes.

So I did to my regret spend a rather tiresome weekend with Auntie and Mum, expanding my wardrobe. Worse still I had to make choices as part of Felicity's improved 'autonomy'. Of course the choices would have been boy's clothes if it was a totally free choice! However it was pretty obvious that whatever was the girliest or most impractical choice would please these women, or so it felt. At one point I was sent completely alone into a swanky lingerie shop under strict instructions not to leave without purchasing two complete sets of 'special occasion' lingerie. I left the store my face still flushed with shame clutching a bag containing two bra, suspender, and pantie sets, one a frothy concoction of icing pink froth and silky nylon, the other a skimpy midnight black set in silk and lace. Even mum giggled involuntarily as she inspected the contents of the bag, but nodded her grudging approval.

What hurt almost as much as the embarrassment of this clothes buying spree was the cost. I'd actually gone over my allowance for the month. Mum didn't seem too concerned as I'd have the opportunity to repay the difference out of my next allowance. I was glad anyway that I'd paid in advance for my new bike. The new play station would unfortunately have to go on hold for a little while at least.

Of all the new changes the one that displeased and troubled me most was the newly proposed arrangement for leaving and returning to school when Kurt was home. 'Smuggling' me in and out of the house was, Mum and Auntie decided, a little disloyal to the spirit of the arrangement with Kurt, and if Kurt accidentally ever stumbled upon the 'tomboyish' Felicity then Mum would 'never forgive herself'.

Generously, well generously according to Mum and Auntie, I was bought a uniform for St Mary's Academy, the local girl's school! Well a uniform and a spare to be exact. The uniform consisted of a navy blue pleated knee length cotton skirt, a wide blue nurse's type belt, a cream blouse, a red and gold ribbon neck tie, a blue blazer with the St Mary's crest emblazoned on the breast pocket, and a pair of black leather fairly plain girl's block heel shoes. To complete the outfit I was also given appropriate under-things, hosiery, and accessories. The under-things consisted of a relatively plain, white nylon and lace bra and matching panties, well plain for Jennman girls anyway. For once no suspender belt, but the novelty of a pair of black opaque tights. The addition of a short static-free white nylon under-slip with a modest inch of lace hem was I suspected a 'Jennman' add-on, I was no expert on the underwear of St Mary's schoolgirls but I doubted they wore underskirts. A silly girl's satchel, and a pink parka completed the the humiliating outfit.

When I first saw the uniform I did for an awful moment wonder if they were going to send me to St Mary's! I felt myself flush with a mixture of shame and a little rage. I couldn't possibly accept that could I?

Mum saw my face, and a little amused, said calmingly, 'Don't worry dear we're not sending you to St Mary's'. Even Auntie giggled.

I felt relieved but was still uncomfortable with this strange turn of events.

'Listen dear' said Mum in her rather annoying 'talking to a small child' tones, 'We try to keep Felicity as natural as we can darling. What would be more natural at her age than she attends the best local girl's school. But don't worry you won't actually be going to a girl's school. Auntie has made a special arrangement with her good friend Tanya. When you are Felicity on school days you'll leave here and return here in your nice neat St Mary's uniform, but your 'tomboy' things will be at Tanya's. There you can change before going to St Giles. You won't come straight home from St Giles but go to Tanya's to change before coming home more suitably dressed as Felicity in her school uniform.'

It sounded like an awful and humiliating faff.

'There it's as simple as that' she smiled with a confidence that said that I 'must' be convinced and reassured by her logic.

Auntie chipped in, 'It works out so wonderfully, Tanya's hours fit in almost perfectly, I'll drop you off and pick you up dear. Yes it will mean getting up a little earlier sleepy head..' An hour ahead it turned out in fact!...' and Tanya has so generously given up her spare bedroom so Felicity can change in her own room. It works out utterly perfectly!'

As I anticipated the new school arrangements caused me the most anguish over the next month, even though it was enacted only four or five times. Waking up a whole hour early for a teenage boy was a pain to start with. Dressing myself to Auntie's satisfaction in that ridiculous uniform, and applying just the right light application' of make up 'suitable for school', only for both uniform and make up to be removed a mere half hour later was faintly ridiculous and frustrating.

Even I knew they'd contrived that I'd take up Kurt's first coffee of the day that first morning I wore my St Mary's uniform. I remember entering the bedroom quietly the tray balanced in my hands, half hoping to deposit the tray and leave without him noticing. His bulk lay only half covered by the sheets, his hairy muscly barrel of a chest rising and falling with each manly breath. I was just a few feet away from him when he turned and opened his eyes.

'Oh hello sweetie' he said his voice rich and deep from sleep. He seemed mildly surprised to see me but apparently totally at ease at the sight of me in my schoolgirl's uniform.

'Good morning Daddy' I said, hating myself for the 'Daddy' which I strictly didn't have to use. I lay the small tray on the bedside table.

'Thanks honey' he said seemingly turning to grab another few moments sleep and ignoring the coffee I'd brought . 'Have a nice day at school Felicity' he said from within the sheets he'd pulled around him.

'Thank you Daddy' I said, now so totally flustered I'd given him another damned free 'Daddy'.

I shut the door quietly behind me and felt my whole body flush in self contempt. As I walked down the stairs I had that new feeling for the very first time that I soon increasingly had in his presence. It was the sure knowledge that in his view I was that silly girl Felicity, he saw nothing else, he just saw Felicity in her silly nighties, Felicity in dresses and nylons, and now Felicity in her prissy school uniform. I wanted to rip off the stupid skirt and blouse, the silly bow, the shameful bra and panties, the ridiculous opaque tights. But I entered the kitchen my face red with self loathing and frustration and Auntie totally oblivious to my mood simply said 'We'd better get off to school darling'. To my shame I meekly grabbed the stupid girl's satchel and the vile pink parka, and in my perfectly practised girly voice replied 'Yes Auntie' and followed her out to the car.

The frantic rush in the overly feminine room provided by Tanya to remove the uniform, the make up, and the 'light' nail varnish was absurd I knew, but complaining was pointless. I'd emerge flustered and in a rush in my proper uniform, but unhappy that I'd not had time to make my hair look any more masculine than I could in the time I had, and still feeling in that rather soppy weak state I often felt after an intense bout of being Felicity.

I'd not fully recovered my dignity by the time Tanya dropped me off at the school gates, and though in reality nobody was more or less hostile or disgusted by me than normal it was lunchtime before I even felt any real self respect.

The return trip was slightly better, although Tanya had an awful habit of 'helping' me with my make up and hair once I was back into the St Mary's uniform, or starting one og her impromptu 'training' sessions which I had to suffer which as much good grace as I could manage. So it was sometimes a good hour later than usual that I stepped back in the door. Often returning right on tea-time so even if Kurt unexpectedly wasn't there I'd have to sit through tea with Mum and Auntie in my stupid schoolgirl's uniform because there wasn't time to change beforehand!

A relatively good thing that happened those few weeks after the contract properly came into effect was that I managed to squeeze in the majority of Felicity's laundry chores into those weekday evenings that coincided with when I had to dress anyway. I used these evenings to do hand and machine washing, to catch up on ironing and tidying and sorting Felicity's room. Auntie fortunately agreed to keep an eye on my washing during the day as long as Felicity hung it out in the morning.

I can't say it helped my self esteem much to wake up even earlier and get into my schoolgirl clothes even sooner to spend time in uniform hanging out panties, bras, nylons, slips, blouses, nighties, and whatever else. Bringing my washing in when I got home wasn't so bad as I felt I was reaping the rewards of using my enforced time 'en femme' wisely.

If I arranged my salon appointments well in advance I'd usually get Saturday mornings, and I'd get any shopping over as quickly as I possibly could that same morning without buying anything that wasn't 'suitable'. Only one Saturday afternoon was wasted returning a new dress I knew in my heart wasn't girly enough for the Jennman women.

So those first few weeks, other then the odd one where Kurt was around, I'd managed to have a whole Saturday afternoon and Sunday free to enjoy going out on my new bike, always avoiding the village and town of course where I'd be bullied by my former school friends.

Undeniably Felicity was playing a moderately bigger part in my life than before the contract, but I did feel in control, and once I paid off the advance for the clothes buying spree I'd reap the rewards of the new play station I so longed for.

Something that did begin to worry me was the increasing swelling and sensitivity of my nipples. After a hour or so of wearing a bra I noticed with a very uneasy and distracting sensation that my 'puppy fat breasts' as mother once casually referred to them, now began to settle into the cups of whatever bra I was wearing. I even felt a little jiggle in my bra cups if I moved at all suddenly, and at the end of the day when I took my bra off my boobies would remain rounded and shaped to the bra cup for several minutes. This really crushed the fragile male ego I tried to maintain even when I was forced to dress so femininely. I was glad I didn't have to do sports any more, the other boys would tease me mercilessly for my boobies, but I was beginning to worry they'd notice them under my school shirt.

After a few troubled days I decided to share my worries with auntie. Curious as it may seem auntie was sometimes easier to talk to, and was more sympathetic about personal things than mother ever was. She told me not to worry, it was just a little side effect of my weekly injection and it would never amount to much. She promised to take me to buy some close fitting vests that I could wear under my shirt to school to feel 'more comfortable' and which would also 'flatten my profile'. This reassured me a lot, and I actually felt grateful to auntie. In my gratitude I rather ignored her other promise to 'ensure I had the proper support in future'. Distractedly, by support I thought she meant help or assistance in any other little problems I might have. How wrong I was.

Of the many humiliations I have suffered since 'contracting' to this agreement

I think having a personal bra fitting was the greatest so far.