Friday 3 February 2017

Wicked Soul

God has seen fit to bless me with the 'sight' of souls, and I have seen your soul” he paused a moment “and the vision of your soul shocked me.”

I've seen dogs and wolves, and foul creatures, I've seen angels and humble servants, but the soul you present at the doors of heaven is that of a thoroughly spoilt, vain, shallow teenage girl..I think what they call a 'Princess'''

I was now also shocked to silence.

I struggled a while to understand how a young boy could present himself to God as a shallow vain girl”,he continued “but God in his infinite wisdom has given me insight.”

He almost smiled. “It's God's wisdom that led your Stepmother in her desperation to resort to 'petticoat punishment'. I was foolish enough to think that an unsuitable treatment, but God was obviously guiding your dear Stepmother's hand.”

I believe the reason you present your soul as this shallow vain and affected creature is that your ungodliness is a result of inner vanity, weakness, materialism, and self centredness. Some of this is a result of your upbringing I'm sure, but God has made it clear that you have the inner soul of a spoilt girl. This vision of a prissy, superficial, over ornamented young lady is the perfect affirmation of the sorry deluded state of your soul. It's obvious now of course that this so very clearly explains your petty girlish lies and deceits, your weak and effeminate objections to the least troubling of obstacles or hardships, and your selfishness above the needs of your Stepmother and dear Brother.”

Have you nothing to say to this revelation?”

I was still stunned and confused and couldn't really fathom what he was meaning. I shook my head.

Do you know you have the soul of silly shallow prissy girl?”

N..no..” I stammered, unsure of the correct reply, but hoping honesty was the right response.

Well once God had allowed me to understand the nature of your soul I had to decide how to redress this dire situation. In past instances where a soul has presented itself in all it's awfulness it's often been the recourse to drive out all trace of those sins and imperfections from the mortal being, driving the beast out of a bad man for example. And so often in those cases the person already knew they had a wicked beast-like character.”

However sometimes when a perverted soul presents itself in a form totally concealed from it's owner, as is your case, it's far better to tease out that persona in the mortal world. It's better, within our mortal ability to mirror that corrupt soul in the mortal world, reveal it, even feed it, until our human form by constant imitation either tires and defeats the corrupt soul, now revealed from the shadows, and this is my dearest wish and firmest belief for you my poor boy. Or, and this is a risk we must take, soul and human form bond and no progress can be made, and the soul is damned forever. This I will fight my utmost to prevent, God help me.”

When the dark soul is a beast there are practical limitations to teasing out this soul, where the dark soul is in human form it's a little easier. Where the genders of the souls differ, and that's unusual, there are some difficulties. But I've considered this very deeply and we will, with the blessing of God, struggle to help you purge this pitiful soul by as much simulation as possible within the confines of your normal life.”

This was still not clear to me. Pastor John looked at me with a pitiful stern gaze, Stepmother seemed to almost smile with grim satisfaction, Aunt Julia looked at me in a way I'd never seen her look before, almost an hungry anticipatory expression played about her stern lips.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
I've spoken to your school Principal. I've no wish to interrupt the flow of your normal life and progression because of a wicked corrupt soul unless we really have no choice. I've not specified our mission but I have under religious grounds achieved permission for you to grow your hair and have….” He looked to Aunt Julia questioningly.

Pierced ears Pastor” she responded calmly.

“….Yes, pierced ears. The Principal has agreed this, and she will be vigilant in defending your rights to these freedoms.”

I squirmed uncomfortably. Long hair might be cool but pierced ears I wasn't sure about. Maybe that was cool too, a lot of male stars wore an earring. Perhaps I'd look like a tough pirate. Perhaps I'd be teased mercilessly, I wasn't sure but I felt distinctly uneasy about this.

Our plan….” and he nodded to Aunt Julia and Stepmother inclusively”...is that each Friday afternoon you will be met by your Aunt and taken on the early evening Ferry to the island. There your Aunt has very graciously made ample arrangements to achieve to the best of our earthly ability the simulation that will we fervently wish will cure your soul of it's degeneracy. This may be a painful road for you boy but you should thank your Aunt for her righteous efforts to save you from eternal damnation.”

He looked to me expectantly.

I hesitated a moment. My mind was racing to try to comprehend my fate. It was so vague so far I wasn't sure what they meant. It was clear though he expected me to thank my Aunt.

Thank you Aunt Julia” I said as humbly as I could manage.

Call me Auntie now dear” she smiled.

Her smiles always chilled me a little, and the Aunt to Auntie switch was lost on me.

Thank you Auntie” I added quietly.

The Pastor cleared his throat and continued. “Your 'Auntie'..” he smiled to Aunt Julia in acknowledgement, which was yet another chilling vision..” Your Auntie will return you on the early Monday morning Ferry and you shall continue your scholarly pursuits as normal until the following Friday. Is that clear boy?”

It wasn't at all clear. What exactly was going to happen to me on the island stuck with creepy Aunt Julia. However I had the impression he was merely asking me if I understood the principal of going to the island, it wasn't his manner to ask open questions.

Yes...yes thank you Pastor” I responded nervously.

He smiled creepily again.

There's quite a few more details but your 'Auntie'” a chilling smile once more “ And Stepmother have everything very well organized. We'll come to some arrangement about school vacations depending on the situation...”

What the hell does that mean I wondered.

It's important for you to understand that there's some considerable cost financially to this mission. We'll find a means for you to earn or pay back these costs, it's an important lesson for your mortal being to understand the costs of the extravagance and self centredness of your depraved soul.”

This did not sound good at all.

God willing our efforts will rapidly save your soul. That is our fervent desire.”
He looked to the two women for agreement. They both nodded their heads solemnly.

I shall, in a few weeks, God permitting, attempt anew to gain a vision of the soul you choose to present at God's threshold, and it's my impassioned hope that the travesty of a spoiled Princess..” He hesitated and shook his head in sorry disbelief..”My hope...that that travesty is expunged and replaced by the vision of the generally good boy I see before me today. But we are patient servants of God, we shall persevere to save this humble soul shall we not ladies?”

Amen” the two women proclaimed, and turned to me.

A..amen” I stuttered my throat turned to dust.

°°°°°°°°°°

As Friday approached my mind was filled with dread. I veered from crazy thoughts of some kind of painful tortured exorcism, to the thoughts of humiliation of previous 'petticoat punishment'. Stood in Step-mum's old sundress all day with Tim's gloating presence wasn't much fun. I couldn't go out of course and was bored and resentful. A whole weekend of that, much less with creepy Aunt Julia wasn't an appetizing thought, but less gruesome than the demonic exorcism I conjured up in my wilder moments of imagination.

I also wondered whether the Pastor was right. Did I really have the soul of a spoiled teen Princess? The idea felt far more humiliating than if he'd said I had the soul of a snake or a rat. Step-mum and Aunt idolize the Pastor, even Tim is respectful and a little fearful of him, I was sure they all had utter faith in him. I was an outsider, we were believers before, but not like them. In retrospect I felt maybe I was selfish since it was hard always to love my new family so I rarely gave them too much thought. I wasn't tough like Tim, so maybe I was a little weak. I'd had an easy life before Dad met her, perhaps a little too easy and too shallow a life. Maybe the Pastor was right and my soul was twisted into a silly selfish empty-headed weak girl. I cried when I felt close to believing it, which only made me feel weaker and sillier. Whatever, they would help me save my soul, which although I felt little love from my family, it was a way of showing their love. I was however just terrified of how they would save me.

And that Tim I thought..he's got the soul of a rat if anyone has I smiled to myself I thought before drifting to sleep in total innocence of my fate for the last time that Thursday evening.

°°°°°°°

It's Monday morning, Aunt Julia's old Volvo pulls to a halt around the corner from my school. I step out hesitantly and pull off the hideous salmon pink parka and hand it to Auntie in exchange for my school bag.

Kiss for Auntie” she smiles..I bend and kiss her reluctantly.

Will see you Friday dear, don't be late! Goodbye darling!” She smiled, waved, and drove away.

A week ago I'd have thought it wonderful to be called her darling. She seemed so cold and aloof, and after the loss of Dad I needed some love and affection. But I'd been her 'darling' all weekend, and I could cry and break down in the street at the thought of it.

I pulled myself together. I walked towards school. It was the same school uniform but it felt strange and alien. Maybe it was the feel of the material against my rigorously smooth and hairless skin. I was unsettlingly sure I still smelt vaguely of perfume despite my concerted efforts to wash myself with normal soap a dozen times. My hair looked a mess, with the extensions out
and the lacquer washed out to the best of my ability my hair was fatigued from all it's primping and teasing. I gelled it but it looked plain tired and woolly.

But as I approached closer to school the objects of my greatest fear felt like cannonballs attached to each earlobe. The fantasy of those rather dashing pirate earrings in one ear were a distant memory. Firmly, and painfully planted in each ear were the 14 carat gold ball earrings the size of small peas, classic 'first' earrings as Auntie so helpfully described them.

If the boys didn't notice, and they will, the girls will notice straight away. And what am I to say? It's religious. I will feel so stupid and lame.

°°°°°°°°°

And I did feel stupid and lame. I was in shock and the school day went in a blur of horrible memories of the weekend and the shame of those damned earrings. Something had been said I was sure because questions stopped before lunch, and afterwards I just got strange looks from the boys, and perhaps more painful to me, pitiful looks from the girls.

Step-mum greeted me perhaps a little more warmly than usual, but otherwise as if nothing had happened. I wanted to scream whether she had any idea of my ordeal, but somehow I was so ashamed I couldn't bare to tell her any detail and she never asked. Her and Auntie were so close, that although I'd like to believe she had no part of what had happened to me, in my heart I knew she was part of it.

She was very solicitous about my earrings. With little fuss she helped me clean and care for the rather painful earlobes.

Tim gave my earrings a scornful look, but was obviously under orders not to tease me, so I got off lightly perhaps.

°°°°°°°°

After an uneasy day at school, spared any questions, but not spared pitying or disapproving looks I came home to be presented with a list from Aunt Julia.

Step-mum held the papers in her hand whilst addressing me in her 'these are the rules and no question' tone.

There's some cost to your..er...treatment as Pastor John said. You did understand that” she questioned as if to a small child.

Yes, yes” I answered for the best.

Now Julia has been very gracious and paid for everything, and I expect you to thank her for that next weekend.

I nodded vigorously, feeling like it would be like thanking my hang man, but I was far too fearful even to hint at my thoughts.

Now she's prepared to shoulder the cost of the Ferry crossings and the redecoration and fitting of your room, and your food and board. Because these are things she'd naturally afford to her nephew. However, in accordance with the wishes of Pastor John you will have to personally repay all costs associated with the welfare and upkeep of...of” she hesitated how to describe the pathetic creature I had to become at Auntie Julia's, “..of your other persona”

Auntie Julia's niece shall we say” she added with almost a giggle.

By paying as your real self you will better learn the cost of the selfish shallow young lady that your poor soul inhabits.”

Now Auntie Julia has itemized the costs so far. They are quite considerable, but do not worry we will seek a way to repay every penny.”

She handed me the list.

I glanced at the lines and lines of items and the staggering total cost..two thousand two hundred and sixty-eight pounds and twenty-four pence.

But..but I can't pay this” I blurted out close to tears.

We will find a way, and starting tomorrow you'll be doing two hours housework for me each evening for which you'll be paid more generously perhaps than you deserve.”

Anyway, Pastor John suggests we go through the list and agree each item so that we can be sure you understand the cost of your other self.”

°°°°°°°°°






























Salon Trixie -

Treatments -

Depilation (hair removal) 58,90
Temporary Hair Extensions 48,90
Manicure and varnish 25,00
Pedicure and varnish 25,00
Makeover 39,99
Piercing Free
Sub Total 172,79
Sales -

14 carat gold ball earrings 40,00
Nail varnish – Coty Blush Peach 15,00
Mascara – Maybeline Infinity Soot Black 10,00
Lipstick – Maybeline Peaches and Cream 25,00
Lip Gloss – Revlon Ice Pink 15,00
Sub Total 105,00

Tip - 10,00

Total 287,79

Lingerie and hosiery

Bra – La Perla – Sophie – 36AA White 28,90
Panties - La Perla – Sophie – Medium White 22,30
Bra – M & S - Junior Miss – 36AA Peach 20,00
Panties - M & S Junior Miss – Small Peach 15,00
Bra – Debenhams – SixTeen – 36AA Jade 27,90
Panties – Debenhams – SixTeen – Small Jade 18,90
Panties – Debenhams – SixTeen – Small Jade 18,90
Bra – Debenhams – SixTeen – 36AA Midnight 27,90
Panties – Debenhams – SixTeen – Small Midnight 18,90
Panties – Debenhams – SixTeen – Small Midnight 18,90
Camisole - Debenhams – Enigma – Medium – Floral 28,99
Underslip – M & S – Fantasy – Medium – Cream 22,00
Tights - M & S – Sheen 15 denier – Carbon – Medium 4,99
Tights - M & S – Opaque 20 denier – Midnight – Medium 5,99
Tights – Debenhams – Elegance – 15 denier - Nearly Black 7,80
Tights – Debenhams – Elegance – 15 denier - Nearly Black 7,80


Total 295,17

Footwear

Flats - Miss Selfridge – Sweetness Ballet Flats - Size 6 Cream 25,00
Flats - Miss Selfridge – Sweetness Ballet Flats - Size 6 Aqua 25,00
Heels - Miss Selfridge – Culture – 2 inch heels - Size 6 Slate 28,99
Boots - Debenhams – Elegance Boots – 2 inch heel - Size 6 Black 59,99
Slippers - M & S – Slippers – Pretty Miss – Wedge – Size 6 Pink 14,99
Slippers -M & S – Slippers – Pretty Miss – Wedge – Size 6 White 14,99

Total 168,96

Nightwear

Nightie - La Perla – Miss Retro Baby-doll & Panties – Med – Black 79,00
Nightie - La Perla – Miss Retro Baby-doll & Panties – Med – Pink 79,00
Nightie - La Perla – Miss Retro Baby-doll & Panties – Med –Blue 79,00
Negligee - La Perla – Miss Retro Negligee – Medium – Pink 49,00
Dressing Gown - M & S – Fluffy Girl - Dressing Gown – Med– Pink 24,99

Total 310,99
(I have to admit to having been a little carried away with regard to the pretty nighties, so I'm willing to donate them to my 'niece' as a gift)
Less 237,00
Total 73,99

Outerwear

Coat - Debenhams – Jr Miss Parka – Size 12 – Salmon 79,99
Jacket – M & S – Bolero – Size 12 49,99
Dress – M & S – Sunshine Sundress – Size 12 – Floral 28,00
Dress – M & S – Elegance Lined A line – Size 12 – Teal 68,00
Dress – Monsoon – Tropics with underskirt - Size 12 – Floral 119,99
Dress – Debenhams – Rouched Denim Pinafore– Size 10 – Navy 59,99
Dress – Miss Selfridge – Satin Slip Dress – Size 12 – Peach 35,00
Top – M & S Sleeveless Tee - Miss range - Size Medium – Cream 20,00
Top – M & S Sleeveless Tee - Miss range - Size Medium – Navy 20,00
Top – M & S Sleeveless Tee - Miss range - Size Medium – Slate 20,00
Top – Monsoon -Gypsy Angel – Size 10 – Floral 49,00
Skirt – Monsoon – Rouched Silk – Size 12 – Taupe 59,00
Skirt – Debenhams – Sweet Charity Denim – Size 12 – Blue 35,00
Skirt – Miss Selfridge – Downtown Check – Size 12 – Black 39,00
Skirt – Miss Selfridge – Downtown Check – Size 12 – Grey 39,00

Total 721,96

Accessories

Hair Bow - Clares – Pink 1,99
Hair Bow - Clares – Black 1,99
Scrunchies - Clares – Pack of three - Red 2,99
Handbag – Debenhams – SixTeen – Floral 59,99
Purse – Debenhams – SixTeen - Marilyn - Multi 35,00
Scarf – Miss Selfridge – Pirate - Black and White 9,99
Gloves – Miss Selfridge – Pirate - Black and White 8,99
Scarf – Monsoon -Silk Tribal – Multi 59,99
Hat – Monsoon - Wool Beret with Beads – Cream 17,00
Broach – Debenhams - Silver Butterfly with Stones - 79,00
Necklace – Clares – Barbie Pink - 12,99
Hand Mirror – Clares – Barbie Pink - 3,00

Total 292,92
Cosmetics and Toiletries

Perfume - Chanel 19 Parfum Spray 50ml 67,50
Body Lotion - Chanel 19 Body Lotion 200ml 39,00
Body Lotion - Nivea Body Care 250ml 9,00
Hand Care – Nivea Hand Care 100ml 8,00
Moisturizer – Clarins Gentle Day Cream 36,00
Moisturizer – Clarins Gentle Night Cream 42,00
Shower/Bath Gel – Chanel Chance Eau Fraiche 200ml 33,50
Soap – Soft and Gentle - 5,99
Shampoo – Salon Science Bundle 28,00
Conditioner – Salon Science Swiss Apple 12,00
Mascara – Revlon Fabulash 8,99
Lipstick - Boots 17 - Stay Pout – Rule Breaker 4,49 Lipstick - Boots 17 - Stay Pout – Date Night 4,49
Lip Gloss – Dior Addict - Lip Maximiser 22,50
Lip Liner – Clarins - Lipliner Pencil – Nude 17,00
Blusher – Dior Diorskin – Nude - Coral Sunset 40,00
False Lashes - Kiss Haute Couture - Multipack – Flirt 19,00
Cosmetics Kit – Miss Cutie Pie 29,99

Total 427,45

FULL TOTAL 2268,24

The boy will pay this off through honest hard work. I have not included or intend to charge for the decoration and furnishing of my niece's new bedroom, or any of the new bathroom and bedroom linen I've had to purchase, or food and lodging. I truly hope the boy appreciates the cost of this easily exceeds this bill. He also needs to appreciate that for a young lady such as my niece this is the bare minimum of wardrobe and cosmetics. If my niece succeeds in matching her purchases to her character there will be considerably more expense on clothes and make up. I expect my niece to buy at least one new item each of lingerie, footwear, outerwear, accessories and cosmetics each weekend. Plus once a month, should the situation last that long, she would want to buy a new item of nightwear and jewelry. If she doesn't pamper herself in this fashion then she will not be the spoilt shallow girl we expected, and Pastor John will be informed. I trust the boy understands the meaning of this.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

I earnt a bare sixty pounds doing housework for Step-mum that first week. Normally this would seem like a fortune, but the thought of working to buy stupid tights and lipstick was too much to bare.

That Thursday evening she handed me 'my wages' in five pound notes, then took all but five pound back. “You keep this” she said firmly “ and the rest should go to pay back your poor Auntie don't you think?”

Yes” I nodded sullenly.

So..” she counted the notes..” fifty five pounds...and the bill was?”

Two thousand, two hundred, and..and something” I offered.

Two thousand two hundred and sixty-eight pounds and twenty-four pence” she added sharply.

..So less fifty-five pounds leaves..erm... two thousand two hundred and thirteen pounds and twenty-four pence.”

She handed me a cheque book. I looked inside and was surprised to see my name in the details.

..I took the liberty of getting a cheque book for your bank account. How much is deposited in the account do you think?”

About three thousand pounds” I replied not quite following her meaning.

Three thousand five hundred pounds to be exact.”

It seemed a fortune to a teenage boy but really my father had left me very little.

Take a look at the first cheque dear” she commanded.

I thumbed through and saw in her handwriting the sum of two thousand two hundred and thirteen pounds and twenty-four pence made out to Miss Julia Grant.

Sign that then dear then you can give that and this cash to Auntie on Friday night.”

But, but..but it's..it's my inheritance?” I felt tears well up.

And your inheritance is more important than saving your soul?” she asked pointedly.

But I thought I'd have time to pay..you know, to work it off..not pay now.”

Well you thought wrong, and selfishly, like a silly self centred girl you never thought how your poor Auntie Julia was going to pay for all these things”.

Poor Auntie Julia was loaded, well at least according to Timmy he was. I was too frightened to say this.

But if I had time to pay it off” I pleaded.

Well you have time to pay off anything new your cousin decides to buy” she replied, with a slight smirk on her face at the word 'cousin'.

But it's my inheri..''

She cut me short..”And if you work hard you'll still have some inheritance, there will be well over a thousand pounds left dear” she added in a tone reserved for simple children.

She handed me the pen.

I signed the cheque in stunned silence. I'd just bought a wardrobe of dresses, a drawer full of lingerie, and a vanity table of cosmetics.

Your soul will be saved through this hardship God willing” she added softly, patting my head and sealing the cheque and notes in an envelope marked 'To Auntie Julia for all my cousins lovely things, with thanks.'

I hope I hit the right note with the little message” she smiled.

Yes” I answered sullenly accepting the envelope.

°°°°°°°
Sometimes crazy Aunt Julia actually leaves me in peace and I'm sat on the patio thumbing through a women's magazine, because it's all I have to do to break the boredom, and I do sometimes read an article that's quite interesting really not too girlie. I get absorbed then suddenly spring back to realization that to my shame I'm quite at ease all gussied up in tight bra, stupid panties, clingy tights, silly sundress and painted face. My painted nails almost accusingly scream at me as I quickly fold the magazine shut.

These moments come too often, and sometimes I have a stupid feeling that Felicity actually has a much easier life than Robin. She actually does practically nothing except try to look pretty and dress and make herself up. Whereas Robin has school and has to work for her stupid pretty things. Also, and it's a very uncomfortable admission, but Felicity isn't shunned and despised like Robin. I mean people think she's empty headed, too fussy and girlish, but they accept her, but poor Robin tries so hard and everyone either despises or pities him.

From day one Auntie Julia said I had the choice to either pretend to be a girl, or she was quite happy to tell everyone I was a boy who chose to dress like a girl. It was a horrible choice, but better to seem to be an empty headed girl than some freaky pervert boy in girl's clothes.

On the island only Trixie at the salon knows my secret and she's such an old friend of Auntie's she'd never tell. The only other people who know are Mother and Timmy, and Pastor John, but they don't visit too often, so everyone around me thinks I am just that empty headed clothes hanger of a girl I appear to be.

I little appreciated the consequences of this choice to voluntarily pretend to be a girl. Yes, I wasn't shunned and nobody suspects my deception, but it made it so much easier for Auntie Julia to drag me further and further into this stupid feminine trap. Forever I'm expected to do what Felicity would do, to choose what Felicity would choose, until I almost naturally choose the girliest, prettiest, or most expensive choice each time I'm asked.

And the only way to pretend to be a girl and not get caught is to behave, talk, and think like a girl, until...well until you hate yourself for being so weak and feeble. And when you are back in school although you try so hard you know you are beginning to sound and behave more like a big girl each time you come back from the island.

And, sleepless in my stupid baby-doll and prissy matching panties, face smeared with night lotions, surrounded by the clutter of my room, the dolls and soft toys, my cosmetics ranked so neatly along the vanity table, the two wardrobes and chests of drawers bulging with frills, silk, and frou frou, it's in that almost dreamlike, or nightmarish state, that I actually start to imagine I am Felicity, and Robin is somebody else.

It happens too when I'm Robin. I find myself in class seething about Felicity's spending and worrying how I'm going to pay for it all. They make me write her notes, and she writes back. I thought it stupid at first, but lately as Robin I really feel I am pleading for her to be more responsible.


°°°°°°°°°°°

This terrible ordeal has made me begin to accept you can get used to anything if you are forced to and it keeps on happening.

I blushed scarlet and literally trembled all over the first time Greg 'helped' me through my morning bathroom routine. I pleaded him to let me manage on my own at least, but he firmly though kindly insisted he had to help or 'Auntie' would have his 'guts for garters'.

The thought of a grown man seeing my naked body was nightmarish enough, but to see me naked and actually help me to submit to the degrading tasks I was forced to perform was too much.

I cried all through. He was as nice and as gentle as he could be, he helped dry my eyes and blow my nose, and held my trembling hand a moment whilst I 'collected' myself. But he remained resolute and insisted on assisting me carry out everything Auntie had shown him.

I died a thousand shames as he handled me and prodded me just as thoroughly as Auntie. But that first time was finally over, I was a little shaky and tearful all day, he did his best to keep me cheerful. The next time was a little better, and a little better after that.

It's two weeks later and it's still the least favourite part of my day.

I still blush pink as he offers a hand to help me out of the foaming scented bath he'd ran for me earlier. But he quite matter-of-factly envelopes me in the soft fluffy bath towel and pats me dry very thoroughly.

Removing the towel once more revealing my nakedness he briefly brushed his hand between my legs. I still flinch ever so slightly.

What a good girl” he says with what I think isn't his intention to offend me. “….tucked all night even after your bath sweetie. That's three nights in a row, auntie will be so pleased when I tell her.”

I manage a faint smile. It's thoroughly humiliating to parade myself in front of a grown man with barely a hint of maleness showing between my legs, and now acutely aware and self-conscious of my now obviously swollen and budding breasts on display. However it's a huge relief not to have the even greater humiliation of this grown man's strong hands manipulating my diminished manhood firmly and securely back into my body cavity.

Calmly and methodically he began to dust me down with my scented talc, all over my body, under smooth armpits, and a little ticklishly around my bottom and groin.

Bend over the bidet now sweetie” he said calmly and efficiently as he had every morning.

I duly bent over gripping the hand rails as I had before. I heard him taking the device from the cupboard, then running water and the sucking sound as he filled the douche.

This was easily the worst moment of my morning. Bottom in the air, helpless and anticipating the worst indignity poor Felicity had to suffer.

Despite myself I felt my bottom clench a little as I heard the large glob of lubricant squidge onto his hand. Silently his hands pulled my legs a little wider. This only made me tenser I often thought.

He was breathing heavily as he often did when preparing my daily douche. I'd wondered if maybe it was hard work, or he simply just hated doing it. It couldn't be a nice thing to clean a boy's bottom. Once before I'd offered to do it myself, it wouldn't be easy but would save me being so humiliated in front of him, and save him doing something he maybe didn't like. But he was extremely insistent it was something he simply had to do and wouldn't hear of me doing it myself.

I flinched a little as I felt the nozzle being presented. He pushed gently to test resistance but obviously wasn't satisfied. I braced myself.

Sorry Princess” he breathed.

Two hard smacks rained down on my bottom. It was Auntie's little trick to untense me, but perhaps because Greg was more gentle he had to resort to it more often. One more hard smack to catch me 'off-guard' and I felt him more firmly push the nozzle against my opening. It was slightly painful an instant , then a bit like having a big poo, only in the opposite direction, I felt the nozzle glide in and be gripped by bottom muscles.

He breathed more heavily as he slowly glided the nozzle a little back and forth as he slowly squeezed out a little more of the foamy liquid. Auntie used to squirt bigger amounts of liquid at each thrust, which I could feel more distinctly. Greg was gentler, I felt just little squirts at a time. The only thing was it took Greg such a lot longer, maybe thirty or forty strokes. I'm not sure, I never count.

A final squirt and a big sigh form Greg, and the nozzle squeezed free, for a brief moment leaving my bottom feeling empty, before in a fraction of a second he deftly pressed home my plug. The plug was larger and often caught my breath.

Sorry, was I a little rough Princess?” he asked his voice a little shaky.

No, no” I lied for his sake.

He easily helped me stand again, his arms firmly around my slim waist.
He turned me around. The plug always felt like a huge penetrating foreign object when I moved. He carefully sat me down on the bidet his hand placed all the time on my wet bottom.

I sat a moment. We both seemed to be getting our breath back.

Ready sweetie?” he asked sympathetically.

I nodded, head bowed the hair in my eyes at least saving me meeting his gaze.

With a deft movement he firmly and quickly pulled the plug free. This always made me gasp like a stupid girl as I felt the strange empty feeling in my bottom for just an instant before totally beyond my control the soapy contents of my bottom poured forth into the bidet.

As the last dribbles ran out of my gaping bottom, I felt the soothing gentle spray of warm water from the bidet. Greg always got the temperature right. No cold sharp spray like at Auntie's.

He never rushed me or scolded me as I sat there like Auntie sometimes did.

All clean sweetie?” he asked, his voice much more back to normal.

I nodded still cutely aware of the pathetic sight I was, crouched and naked on the bidet.

His firm hand took mine helping me stand. Without a word I felt him thoroughly wiping down my sore bottom with wet wipes.
I'm afraid Daddy has been a little careless sweetie.” He said apologetically.

It's alright Daddy” I said trying to be sympathetic because I knew he did try.
I wasn't even sure of the distinction between a 'careless' and a clean douche, other than one meant a risk of soiling or wetting my panties so I'd need 'protection', and the other meant I could put panties on without protection.
Greg more often that Auntie was careless, but I knew he did try to take care, whereas Auntie didn't seem troubled whether I needed protection or not.

He took the pack of Tampax Pearl from the cupboard, then proceeded to guide me over the bidet again, I bent over and he spread my legs a little further apart.

You're still a little dilated sweetie so this shouldn't be too uncomfortable”.

I felt the cold plastic insertion tool against by bottom, then the tampon glided in quite smoothly. I felt my bottom muscles grip the intruder, but it was no way as uncomfortable as my plug.

There, there, all done” he said helping me stand up straight again. I felt the tell-tale tampon string tickle the top of my legs, but the tampon, whilst far from unobtrusive inside my bottom was nowhere near as uncomfortable as the plug when I moved around. Although I'd still be glad to be free of it later in the day.

Now you won't forget to tell me when you need to freshen your tampon or withdraw it will you dear?”

No Daddy I won't ” I replied blushing a little despite myself.

He took a last look in the box before putting back in the cupboard. “Looks like you'll need some more tampax soon baby.”

Not exactly what a boy needs to hear. I just nodded.

Sweetie...” he sounded a little embarrassed “Tampax aren't something your poor Daddy feels comfortable buying for you darling. You wouldn't be a sweetheart and buy some next time we go to Boots, it's not a man thing I'm afraid” he grinned.

No it's alright I will” I said, slightly uncomfortable at him forgetting I'm male too.

Now these are Tampax Pearl in….” he looked the packaging over, I cringed a little that he was drawing out this particular conversation..” in regular size. Are they right for your darling?”

I really did blush now. “Yes, yes thank you Daddy” I said dutifully.

I was wondering..” he looked uncomfortable now..”if you might be more protected in a bigger size..they do a Super...the Regular are maybe a little loose now?”

Err, I don't know” I stammered just wanting this conversation to end and actually looking around for the day's fresh lingerie honestly keen to move the morning routine on and escape this subject.

Well maybe buy a pack of each Princess. How's that?”

Yes, yes” I blushed.

There, sorted” he said with a smile, putting the box of tampons back in the bathroom cupboard, and to my utter relief terminating this excruciating conversation.

After that the spectacle of him watching me do my make up dressed just in stupid panties, and a push up bra which make my breasts feel huge, is mildly embarrassing by comparison. To the same degree as the difference I felt between the first time he douched me, and today. First time it was almost unbearable, now it's just a painful indignity. And I'm sure he's not a bad man, it could be worse I suppose.

°°°°°°°°°°°

Very soon Greg was around morning and evening without fail, and often seemed to find some reason to spend time at Auntie's in the day.

I felt very confused about his presence. On the one hand I was deeply ashamed for a man to see how pathetically and obediently I was confined to my feminine state. On the other hand he was a little warmer than Auntie, and I felt he actually had some sympathy for me. He was in the church so never criticized my treatment but I sensed he at least sometimes felt sorry for me.

°°°°°°°°°°°
The Easter holidays were something of a turning point, mostly for all the wrong reasons.

Returning to school after nearly three solid weeks as Felicity I felt even more of a freak than before. Not only could I not seem to make my hair very much less girlish than Trixie had managed at the salon, but after all that time mincing and speaking quietly it was actually a conscious effort to behave boyishly and it obviously showed. Horrible things were said behind my back and I was shunned more than ever.

I knew that only the intervention of the Principal at Pastor John's request saved me from far worse treatment from fellow pupils, and teachers too come to that. Nevertheless I cried myself to sleep that first night replaying in my mind the cruel whispered words of former friends.

Worse still my chest had swollen even more. Whether it was all that time wearing a bra everyday or not, but my sensitive nipples seemed to want to pop out of my school shirt. Stepmother never actually said anything but provided me with a tight fitting old fashioned vest which I now gladly wore under my school shirt to hide my embarrassment

Pastor John said that my 'budding breasts' were a good sign of the 'convergence' of my tormented soul and body. He wasn't as yet sure of the significance of my 'bust'. He wasn't certain whether my mortal body was mocking my corrupt soul, or whether my corrupt soul was mocking my mortal body. Either way a spiritual battle was in hand and he praised my efforts to initiate this battle. He said he would seek God's wisdom on the true meaning of this development.

I usually failed to fully understand what Pastor John meant most of the time. His sermonizing and intellectual style of speaking was difficult for a teenage boy to follow, and nobody ever dared ask him for any explanation. However, deeply humiliating as my swollen chest was, I was glad that somehow or other it seemed to convince Pastor John of my efforts to purge myself of my corrupt soul. I sincerely hoped it might mean an end to my struggles was in sight.

It was a relief to get home from school even in the strict and cheerless company of my Stepmother and Stepbrother. My two hours of prayer and bible study which once was a dull chore was now a relatively peaceful release from the day's torment. I began to wonder if perhaps I was winning the battle against my corrupt soul after all, and this is how it felt to be truly good.

Somehow I began to dread each weekday morning and a return to the stares, hidden sniggers, and looks of contempt. School at first was a release from my torment, now it was just another torment.

I certainly did not look forward to my miserable weekend with Auntie either, but to my utter shame my loathing for school was fast becoming a very close second to the loathing for my time as Felicity. Secretly I knew that being Felicity was despite myself very gradually becoming preferable to my time at school, as later events proved, but my male pride wouldn't yet let me admit that. Painful as school was I forced myself to hold on bravely to my remaining vestiges of maleness.

If I ever bothered to analyse it my 'boy' life was hard. The loneliness and harsh isolation of school, the coldness of Stepmother and Stepbrother, the hours of bible study and prayer, and the worry of my growing debts all made my boy time tough. My 'girl' life was admittedly a series of petty humiliations and indignities, however even Auntie was warmer then Stepmother, and Greg, although he filled me with confusion, was a kind of a friend, possibly my only friend. I was pampered and spoiled, if not always in a way teenage boy would prefer, but as long as I fulfilled the empty, girlish, even lazy behaviour expected of me, little more was asked of me, and I had no 'worries' as such.

But as a teenage boy those petty humiliations and indignities outweighed all else, and I rebuked myself severely if I ever found myself comfortable as that empty headed girl. But despite myself, and increasingly frequently, I would catch myself unconscious of all my feminine finery just like the big girl I was meant to be pretending to be, blissfully passing my time almost happily sometimes. I'd suddenly snap out of it, chide myself, then burst into a fit of self pitying tears, which in awful consequence made me feel even more painfully weak and girlish.

°°°°°°°°°°°

I glanced over the mathematics questions. They were far simpler than those I'd face at school. This was going to be easy, I thought, and I'd been given a whole hour to do them. I'd have time to spare and could use the time to read more of that Nancy Drew and The Thirteenth Pearl mystery novel. Yes it's a girlie story but I'd like to know how she escaped being kidnapped.

It had been a horrible few days and at last I was feeling much happier. As a 'school master' Greg was obviously going to be very easy on me if this work and the other lessons he'd discussed with me were anything to go by. Also I'd have plenty of time to do as I pleased with not a lot being asked of me.
I was starting to feel a warm and safe glow I'd not felt for some time.

Suddenly, as if my conscious mind had abruptly kicked in I became aware of my true situation as I glanced at my painted nails clutching that silly pink Biro. My god, I was sat there tucked firmly in tight lily-white lace trimmed panties, a humiliating fresh white tampax stuffed up my poor bottom, a lacy wired bra firmly holding in place my pathetic budding breasts. I was a vision of schoolgirlness in my new Saint Mary's pinafore dress, thin white blouse beneath, a striped Saint Mary's school tie tied in a ribbon at my neck, clingy opaque grey tights pulled firmly up to my waist, black heeled Mary Janes on my feet, and a rather inconvenient off white deep lace trimmed under-slip under the skirt of my pinafore dress which had a habit of declaring it's lacy hem with appalling regularity.
My face was covered in foundation, blusher, eye shadow, mascara, and lipstick, all of which I'd dutifully and ably applied myself after so many hours of repetitive practice. My well brushed hair was drawn tightly over my scalp and tied into a flowing ponytail with the most feminine of white lace ribbons. My ears pierced as they were with delicate pearl studs now burnt red in indignation. Feeling tears begin to well in my eyes I attempted to sniff back the impulse to cry, only to breathe in the demeaning floral scents of perfume and talc I'd so liberally been saturated in that morning.

I reached into my pinafore pockets for that stupid pink 'handbag size' pack of tissues as the tears of self pity began to flow. My chest heaved in the confine of that ridiculous bra, as the pink tissues were smeared with incriminating soggy black mascara. Lately I cried more often than I would ever want to. However today with the awful realization of my resigned feelings of contentment when I was so passively confined in yet a new version of my feminine imprisonment the tears seemed to know no limit. The flood gates were truly open, and it seemed that the guilty shattering of that fleeting seductive sense of comfort in the midst of yet another concession to my ruthless feminization really shook me to the core. Every ounce of self pity poured in tears down my face, my whole body heaved in emotion.

I must have been wailing too, because after a few minutes Greg entered the room his face a mask of concern.

What's wrong princess?” he asked holding my hand and dabbing my eyes with my tissues.

I heaved a little more when I struggled miserably to think how I could even begin to explain how I was feeling. All morning I'd dutifully succumbed to the false air of normality we adopted whilst I was subjected to the multitude of indignities my treatment involved. How could I now explain the pain of every single one of those indignities.

He looked me hard in the eyes, he obviously expected an answer.

Between tears I struggled to explain, I couldn't manage a sentence, and mumbled incoherently, further frustrating myself.

The..the clothes..” I stumbled, vaguely waving the hand he wasn't holding over the skirt of my silly pinafore..”the..the...tampax” I added a little more boldly..”too much..too much” I wept.

He clutched my other hand, seemingly in recognition of what I was saying.

Oh you poor thing” he said softly, releasing a hand to wipe away another trickling tear from my face.

You should have said princess. I only chose a 'super' because you seemed quite dilated. You should have said earlier you were uncomfortable.”

Really there's no need to suffer like that “ he added briefly brushing my fringe away from my face.

I felt empty from the tears. He'd misunderstood me and focused on that one hateful word 'tampax'. With miserable acceptance I was almost relieved that he had failed to understand me. Explaining how I truly felt meant not only having to painfully vocalise my every indignity, but more importantly I guiltily tried to submerge my very strong reluctance to break the fiction that I accepted my treatment and his kind attentions helped me to do that. What a pathetic creature I was to dress and act like a big silly girl and not complain in case I hurt this man's feelings.

Now now Felicity, no more tears” he soothed as he helped me to my feet. He rarely used the name Felicity, preferring the suggestion from Auntie of Princess or Sweetie. Whenever he did call me Felicity I unaccountably always felt considerably weaker and submissive.

We'll run a long and pop in a fresh 'regular' tampax, and get you all cleaned up and pretty again, and Auntie need never know about this need she?” He added conspiratorially.

I nodded weakly, letting his strong arms guide me up the stairs to my room.